Rough Times

I am feeling a little overwhelmed. Jasmine has been having a rough time on and off since that bully threatened to beat her up. She was feeling better for a while, but it has been up and down. That same girl made Jasmine cry on monday. So I am going to go to the school tomorrow, and try to get things handled. She has been struggling and its starting to affect her school work. She says she has had hard time focusing. I have noticed alot of ups and downs in her attitude and behavior for the last few months. I have tried to work through all the steps that her first counselor had shown us, and stay on top of it, maintaining a steady, consistant display of not only compassion for what she is feeling and going through, but also clear expectations of how she is to behave. IT IS SO HARD!!!! Because I know that she is having a hard time, and I CANNOT begin to imagine how it is to be 8 years old, dealing with the aftermath of sexual abuse, and just dealing with the drama that goes along with second grade these days. I CANT MAKE IT ALL BETTER! MAN! I don't remember kids being so cruel in elementary school. Its hard to know with her when she is upset and "acting out" how much of it is the abuse, how much of it is stuff at school, and how much is her just being 8. I have tried to see how it was going to go, but sadly, I think we are going to have to go back to counseling. So here we go again, looking for a counselor. The reason I started this blog. We have Kaiser, so I will try to find someone that is a good fit. She saw someone through Kaiser when we first had to leave the Childrens Center thanks to the state of washington, but it just wasnt a good fit. So I guess we will try again, and if it doesnt work, we will have to figure something else out. I just don't want us to revisit that very dark, heartbreaking place we were not too long ago. She has come so far. My heart just aches when I see her struggling. I feel so selfish even thinking this, but I don't know if I could handle going back to how things were. She was so broken, and not herself at all. I just feel so bad. I feel like I haven't been a good enough mom, or I haven't helped her enough. I just want to make it all go away, and make everything perfect for her. I feel horrible, because I get so frustrated. Not with her, but the situation.